[KR286] Keiser Report: I Steal, Therefore I Am

We discuss MF Global’s fraud playbook, Jamie Dimon’s give and take, take, take and the fact that nine out of ten tapeworms bear an uncanny resemblance to the JP Morgan CEO. In the second half of the show Max talks to Chris Whalen, senior managing partner of Tangent Capital, about fascism, too big to fail and Jamie Dimon’s problem.

97 comments on “[KR286] Keiser Report: I Steal, Therefore I Am
  1. gold bullet says:

    BREAKING: Three days before the elections in North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany’s largest state, the state has been found to censor the Pirate Party’s website from the net.


  2. Doug G. says:

    Brilliant show. Nothing draws out a tapeworm like a big apple and a flashlight.

  3. Bruce says:

    If only Jamie were an ENTERTAINING high-pitched-voice tapeworm. I would actually want to watch him. Pirate My Film presents the animated special: Jamie Dimon The Tapeworm.

    Look what the tapeworm is up to:
    JPMorgan sees profit in prepaid debit cards – CNBC

    10:46 -10:56 Yeah!

    I believe Chris Walen didn’t get a proper intro. His name is pronounced Chriisssss Whaaaluurrrrnnnnnnnnnnn and he is appearing for the listeners glooooohbaaaalllly, according to my Eric King Radio School notes on basic interview etiquette.

    Wells Fargo – Personal & Business Banking – Student, Auto & Home Loans – Investing & Insurance
    = poster child for accounting fraud.

    “I don’t know what else we could give to Jamie Dimon to satisfy his concerns”
    That’s easy to answer: MORE. He wannntss moreeeeeeeeeeee.

    “Big corporations are fascist by definition.”

    Sunset interview for the win.
    Chris sounds like a level-headed guy; great to listen to.
    Top show for the listeners glooooohhhhbbbullly.

  4. Youri Carma says:

    Worm by me ๐Ÿ™‚ http://youtu.be/_1vX-lI3ylY

  5. bit chin says:

    Max, you remember your show ‘death by thousand revelations’? well here is the latest instalment:

    Spain’s potential bank losses fivefold greater, group says:


    @Youri – thanks for the updates on gold.

    We’re heading into a big amount of stagflation right now – inflation running and deflation flattening. As the pressure mounts we’ll see TPTB acting like the scared children that we know they really are. No amount of leadership will save them from the oncoming steamroller. Get printing boys! (that’s all they ken F’king do!) Take cover – it’s going to get really messy!

  6. Youri Carma says:

    Nobody likes ‘Damon’ worm cause I posted this vid on Jul 18, 2006 and 0 likes ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Youri Carma says:

    @bit chin

    Also See: Don’t Be Fooled, Inflation Is Already Here http://forum.prisonplanet.com/index.php?topic=194775.msg1354366#msg1354366

  8. bit chin says:

    @all – sorry, I forgot where I was. You guys already know all that shit. I should be posting this on MSM really (not that any of the readers would be acquainted with the details though)

  9. MirrorMirror says:

    Great show, great Guest .. Thx

    @GB …. Three Days Before Elections, Largest German State Censors Pirate Party From The Net

    Thx … not a word about it here in Germany !

  10. bit chin says:

    Thanks for the links Youri ๐Ÿ˜‰ Yep, there’s an article on the WSJ (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304070304577395683932745646.html?mod=googlenews_wsj) explaining that the bond-buying program is being halted. They’re shitting themselves! It’s looking like they won’t have a clue about what the hell to do when this starts really hitting.

    Max, you’re nuts! The tapeworm impersonation/analogy is entertaining (as your show usually is). Keep up the good work Max and Stacy!

  11. Alf says:

    Ha…I didn’t know tapeworms delivered BBC weather reports…


    Great show BTW

  12. Youri Carma says:

    Chris Whalen: : “Corporates are fascistic by defenition

  13. Good episode! Down with Wells Fargo! Boooo!

  14. MirrorMirror says:


    Entire Montana Town For Sale For $1.4 Million


    OK Guys, place your bids !

    Rather sad in a way … hope they keep the 1950’s style, whoever buys it.
    A nearby town went for 1 Mio$ .

  15. gold bullet says:


    ”Thx โ€ฆ not a word about it here in Germany !”

    No problem. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not surprised, the main sewer media in western neoliberal countries are all the same. It doesn’t matter if we are talking about the USSA, the UK, the EUSSR (Germany in this case), they are all the fucking same!

  16. Youri Carma says:

    Bill Kranyak, of Chester, Pa., waits in front of the “Gold to Go” machine on Thursday at Golden Nugget Atlantic City http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/pressofatlanticcity.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/f/d5/fd51bb10-97d3-11e1-8bac-001a4bcf887a/4fa70af5307d7.image.jpg The ATM-like machine, which dispenses precious metals for a price, is the first of its kind in Atlantic City. Golden Nugget hopes it is as big a hit with Atlantic City customers as the machine in its Las Vegas casino .

    Source: http://www.pressofatlanticcity.com/communities/atlantic-city_pleasantville_brigantine/atlantic-city-s-newest-novelty-gold-from-a-vending-machine/article_b86d1ff8-97d3-11e1-9e7b-001a4bcf887a.html

  17. gold bullet says:

    ”Court Forbids Linking to Pirate Bay Proxies”

    ”Five More Dutch ISPs Given 10 Days To Censor The Pirate Bay”

    Internet censorship in the Netherlands is now in full effect! #fuckcensorship

  18. JonnyJames says:

    Cute little caterpillar, and he turned into a desert butterfly. Most deserts have a surprising amount of wildlife.
    Good thing it was only you filming and assholes like Brian Moynihan, Jamie Dimon, John Stumpf (WFargo CEO) or Lloyd Blankfein. Those sadistic fucks would smash the little guy, just like they smash the “little people”.

  19. JonnyJames says:

    Besides asshole extraordinaire, Dimon. Why don’t we ever hear about John Stumpf? That asshole “made” $20 million dollars last year alone. High Crime pays very well indeed.

  20. JonnyJames says:

    The Dutch govt. is becoming quite the right-wing authoritarians of late. They have outlawed cannabis to be sold to non-Dutch citizens and now censoring free speech.

  21. gold bullet says:

    ”Federal Appeals Court Rejects Illinois’ Eavesdropping Law As Likely Violating The First Amendment”


    Finally something mildly sensible comes out of the cesspool of a country known as the USSA.

  22. gold bullet says:


    Which is a shame, because the Dutch are the nicest people I have ever seen and they do not deserve the right-wing, neo-liberal, fascist asshole government that they have.

  23. JonnyJames says:

    Yeah, while I can only take so much Alex Jones, the intro vid showing The white house with Nazi swastika banners and SS troops marching on the white house lawn is pretty close to reality.

  24. JonnyJames says:

    I agree, I lived in NL for 5 years. Hopefully the next election will produce meaningful change in direction.

  25. evolutis says:

    Thanks Max/Stacy … as usual you have smart people trapped within a petri dish of malfeasance; an environment that has always determined bad outcomes. We straddle 2 systems one has your back; it is the source of life. The other is the โ€œFalse Skinโ€ of a totally malignant, artificial monetary religion …. Caterpillar sheds itโ€™s skin to show a butterfly within … the butterfly of the future is only sustainable through the system that has our back.
    Lol … a technological Apache, free of monetary hinderance, is at hand.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aNaqUm26hY&feature=related ..

  26. MirrorMirror says:


    UK : Snooper’s Charter … must listen :

    ‘UK violates rights to freedom of speech’


    5 mins

    Ironically, it is PressTV ( banned in the UK ) reporting this .

    Very good interview …. must watch !


  27. gold bullet says:

    A piece of neo-liberal, bullshit propaganda, courtesy of The Guardian (who else?!). The subject is copyright:

    Those who want freedom from copyright will really deliver feudalism

    What control do you have over your life if you have no control over your own work?


    Kinda reminds me why I became a supporter of the Pirate Party in the first place.

  28. JonnyJames says:

    Dr. Paul Craig Robert’s article posted just hours ago
    Does The West Have A Future?

    “Living in America is becoming very difficult for anyone with a moral conscience, a sense of justice, or a lick of intelligence…”

  29. flicks says:

    Mirror – camera’s every where here
    Will be interesting to see the Commitment of Traders Report after this week.

  30. john says:

    Hey Max, do you do the voice of Mr Hankey on South Park?
    nice work – John

  31. Youri Carma says:

    @gold bullet

    PROXY PIRATE BAY http://all4xs.net/repress/thepiratebay.se/

    International Pirate Services http://tpb.piratenpartij.nl/

  32. Youri Carma says:

    @gold bullet

    Piraten Partij had to take the proxy info offline – will make a post with the ol webpage and post the link later.

    Good that I always copy everything ๐Ÿ™‚ … in case like now.

  33. gold bullet says:

    @Youri Carma

    I hope that BREIN doesn’t visit this site. Though TPB is like a hydra, cut off one proxy, five will appear in its place. Let a thousand proxies bloom.

  34. Youri Carma says:

    @gold bullet

    Here its is: International Pirate Party services

  35. Youri Carma says:

    Alaskan Man Ready to Go Off the Grid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVhzzG73NOI
    May 10, 2012
    Chuck Baird is going off the grid for a year. The 40-year-old oil company employee and filmmaker will move to the mostly uninhabited Latouche Island in Prince William Sound at the end of May. (May 10)

  36. gold bullet says:

    ”Ubuntu’s Mark Shuttleworth Predicts That Countries Who Limit Patents Will Have More Innovation”


    Ditch Winblow$, go Ubuntu/Linux!

  37. Youri Carma says:

    OPEC nudges world oil demand forecast higher

    OPEC Crude Supplies Shouldn’t Be Cut Yet, Sen Say http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKqIKikXfBM May 10 (Bloomberg) — Amrita Sen, a commodities analyst at Barclays Capital, discusses the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries’ oil supplies and global consumption. She speaks from Dubai with Manus Cranny on Bloomberg Television’s "Last Word." (Source: Bloomberg)

    Iran strongly criticize IAEA for functioning dependently http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wdBSsTovOo The International Atomic Energy Agency has come under fire for failing to avoid being used as a tool by certain countries and even the UN to advance political agendas. The strong criticism has come from Iran, which believes that the nuclear body has proven that it can’t function independently. PressTV’s Fabian Pierre reports.

  38. Alf says:

    30,000 police march through the streets of London protesting against
    austerity cuts to their pensions and working conditions.


  39. t-rex says:

    jamie’s life in the after hours, DOWN 5% fuck face……. legal losses of 4.2 billon dollars.. to big to manage, to big of an asshole….. long live max, long live keiser and herbert, live longer on silver..

  40. ronron says:

    @MM. maybe jamie has a chinese cock up his ass as we speak. hahaha. a little silver cock. ๐Ÿ™‚

  41. James Brown says:

    Sorry Mirror Mirror, I see I was too late once again…one day I’ll be in first… ๐Ÿ™‚

  42. MirrorMirror says:

    I wonder how many JPM traders went short JPM before the announcement ?
    ANybody know ? ๐Ÿ˜†

  43. MirrorMirror says:

    @JB … LOL , no problem … as Youri would say ๐Ÿ˜‰

  44. MirrorMirror says:


    Thou Shalt Not Steal (10 May 2012) Des Moines River

    A homeless Tee Pee along the Des Moines river. :



    Cure little sign “Thou shalt not steal”

    Sign o’the times !

  45. MirrorMirror says:


    ZH :

    The “World’s Largest Prop Trading Desk” Just Went Bust



  46. jischinger says:

    tellin’ yas

  47. evolutis says:

    Funny … dealing with information and energy flow of nature, no sense of an on going monetary, computation required to sustain life? Somewhere along the way we picked up this parasite that promotes, divisiveness, taxation, indeptedness… hedging basis risk, hedging convexity risk, foreign exchange risk, OTC etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

  48. Jasha Blanka (SLA, YCC) says:

    That ZH story made my day. New JPM motto: I crash therefore I am.

  49. angel says:

    Too funny! Watched this episode this morning and listened to Dimon squirm this afternoon. LOL

  50. ronron says:

    all longs in the silver market covered today. JPM is in big trouble. there taking delivery in july. the stage is set to drive the price high for the longs to sell. hahahaha. fucking perfect.

  51. Mini US says:

    Jamie must have been discussing Max and Chris In that conference call.
    Hilarious Tapey Max and Chris is a great guest. Really knows his onions ๐Ÿ™‚

  52. ronron says:

    the math. JPM can no longer control the long side. there fucked. QE is coming.

  53. ronron says:

    @Mini. you seen my boy?

  54. Happy Dick says:

    That rotten piece of shit must have a Willy Fish jammed up his schmuck schmuck.
    Jamie โ€œCandiruโ€ Dimon โ€ฆ the โ€œWilly Fishโ€

  55. Youri Carma says:

    Marc Faber Sees A 1987-Like Crash Approaching http://www.zerohedge.com/news/marc-faber-sees-1987-crash-approaching

  56. Happy Dick says:

    gonna unwind quick … that house of cards
    start @ 1.40 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvLkjuYunRw

  57. Youri Carma says:


    First thing if they come is to fix my teeth. Second: lend me a flying saucer to pick up the NWO scum and put them on some deserted Island.

  58. Happy Dick says:

    Our Planet still lives in “The Allegory of the Cave”. The Zionists continue to create illusion.
    Where is Neo? … ” If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain ”

    Do your eyes still hurt?

  59. Youri Carma says:

    Europe’s Most Parabolic Chart Goes Parabolic-er

    Popcorn Time As New Greek Bonds Tumble To All Time Lows, Is Greece About To Re-Default In 5 Days?

    Greece’s Jobless Soar By 42% As Unemployment Rises To Record, Industrial Collapse Accelerates
    Greece-The Situation Grows Perilous: I pointed out that the total debts of this country stood at $1.1 trillion and, since then, have gotten bigger even after the PSI took place. In fact, Greece borrowed $130 billion to pay off $105 billion and the ECB/EIB and the IMF refused to take the hits.

    Now just the country, the sovereign, owes $517 billion to various parties both public and private which is not only an astronomical number for a country of this size, about the same as the total GDP of Switzerland, but one that cannot be paid back by any stretch of anyoneโ€™s imagination.

  60. Youri Carma says:

    Last txt about Greece comes from this article:
    Bankia: The Failed Bank In The Coalmine

  61. Happy Dick says:

    Russell L. Blaylock, M.D. … spraying of massive amounts of nanoaluminum into the skies.
    3 min read … scary shit.

  62. Youri Carma says:

    Italian Economic Deterioration Accelerates: Q2 GDP Forecast To Drop More Than 1%

    China Investment Corp. has stopped buying European government debt

    S&P Opens The Pandora’s Box: The Wall Of Refi Worry Is $46,000,000,000,000 Tall
    In what S&P calls a ‘Perfect Storm’, the next four years will see a minimum of $30 trillion in companies’ refinancing needs related to maturing bonds and loans and further they expect $13-$16 trillion more debt will be required to finance growth.

  63. Jayme says:

    It’s fun to bash the banks but it’s nice to hear that it are really some very specific issues of corruption which could be addressed. Nice show.

  64. JonnyJames says:

    JPM is in no trouble. Too big to fail, too connected to go to jail. What makes anyone think that they are in trouble. The merger of state and corporate power is called fascism, but this time it is neo-fascism with a smiley face;
    the Corpo/Banksters have more power than the politicians. It is inverted neo-fascism. The only thing that will cause the collapse of JPM is the collapse of the US Empire.

    Unfortunately, the US Empire routinely threatens the annhilation of the world if it’s interests are threatened. Suicide nuclear war (mutually assured destruction) is alive and well. The demise of the Soviet Union has not lessened this possibility, probably enhanced it.

    And BTW those that think Ron Paul is somehow going to save us are sadly mistaken. He has ZERO chance of “winning” the sham elections. I have offered to bet a chunk of silver for anyone willing to bet, yet no one has touched it.

  65. steveosilver says:

    Thursday, May 10, 2012
    Ron Paul’s (aka Sir Ian McKellen) Fake Eyebrows falling off and Latex Nose line, EXPOSED!
    Notice the eyebrow falling off and the line on the latex nose extension glued on.

    @ Vonda, if its a joke then why does it look so real, lol.
    all the worlds a staged event.
    I hope you are real V.
    love and gratitude

  66. ricin3000 says:

    Thanks for all the links everyone, it makes the MK.com site all the more worth.

    You know, what I think will happen is that they will continue in the US to set up one or more shit banks where all the TBTF fiat money is going to go. I think both Goldman and the Morgue are going to be bought by BoA and City, both becoming the shit-banks. Then GS and JPM can continue their games within basically FED-owned (ain’t that GS and JPM guys) TBTF protection.

    Same sceme in EUR with DB, PNB, etc.

    End game: CB’s and affiliates are going to M2M their gold and other assets. Derivatives evaporate.

    Best regards,


  67. Youri Carma says:

    Get readyb to die, coffins on it’s way …

    (Photo) ‘FEMA Coffins’ Being Moved Northbound On Georgia Highway 5-8-2012 http://forum.prisonplanet.com/index.php?topic=231989.msg1356693;topicseen#msg1356693

  68. Youri Carma says:


    That’s what Hitler said when he lost the war in Stalingrad “only some very specific pockets of resistance”

    Hitler, speech about Stalingrad http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsjpqviFC9k

    Wake up dude, we’re talkin massive fraud here certainly beyond your imagination.

  69. Youri Carma says:


    Eddy Arnold: ๐Ÿ™‚
    – Just A Little Lovin’ 45 rpm single 1949 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywfyRp-GbCw

    – Older and Bolder 78 rpm 1952 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bB_jm_7elPA

  70. kdt says:

    @stevosilver dude making fun of an OLD guys eye brows? shame on you ! may your grand children run screaming from the sight of what ever goes horibly wrong with YOUR hair growth when get to his age!

  71. Youri Carma says:


    Jimmie Rodgers – Frankie and Johnny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ltOm_LsCL4

    With chords and lyrics (less clear sound) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ_8KUtratw

  72. Youri Carma says:


    Eddy Arnold:

    Anytime http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgnmbU5qX4o

    Somebody’s beating my time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8ps__C7swo

  73. steveosilver says:

    If that is what you think i meant by posting that info, you are mistaken.
    As it was meant for VB as a reminder to do her due diligence with regards to who she supports.
    Is she being mislead, duped, because he is not who he says he is.

    Since she is not in america who she chooses is of no matter.

    But after Obummer, no one needs to go thru that again.

    I just want someone else to look at it, because our realities are based on perspective.

    I have never voted and will never vote for anyone since Bobby was killed.

    I look at RP and I do not consider him honest, but thats just me, and no words are going to convince me otherwise.

    If you get him and he does what is constitutionally correct then i will admit i was wrong, and be happy to say so.

    SO prove you are not an actor and see you at the event on Friday.

    Free to all, no tickets, free parking.

    And as far as ego and vanity, i prefer love and gratitude

    love and gratitude

  74. kdt says:

    @stevo SO prove you are not an actor and see you at the event on Friday
    ahhh i wish but im too far away i would have needed to start driving an hr. ago at least……………..and we are ALL actors one way or another. (with or with out fake eye brows)

  75. kdt says:

    ron paul is doing somthing bigger than running for “potus” what is not being reported is that his suporters are taking control at the state level, state by state and PARTY officers will also be elected coming up at the convention . that shill tarply is corect this is a multi generational push rp himself lacks an unwriten qualification “senator” or equal so this aint over and it wont end at the election eather same as it never rely stoped in 2008 it will simmer though mid terms then dog hillary on her run after obomnie gets finished

  76. Teri Buhl says:

    Way to be ahead of the Jamie D banker steal and fail trend at JPM Max and Stacy. We need a video recap of all your excellent JPM warning coverage

  77. trooper dave says:

    It’s a bit disturbing that link to watch on youtube for this eddition and up came a front run advert for COKEOCOLA, yuk. Come on Max, thought you suggested boycotting coke.

  78. proxyoflove says:

    Teri is right, and it is fascinating to watch the BBC news churn out a story that fits their paradigm; a blip basically. The ponzi pansy pundit brought on to explain the meaning of this to the masses said “.. yes, well, but, blah blah, haha, but this is only $2 billion from a ‘trillion dollar’ bank, so it’s not a major thing”. Onto Formula 1 now..

    MORE interesting.. they just had ‘our’ Yanis interviewed as the pundit for explaining the Greek situation. THAT was funny, Newsdesk asking BLAND questions ‘where does it go from here?’. Yanis trying to first explain where ‘here’ is; “First things first”. Interview ends by newsdesk “um…. ok”. Onto Formula 1 now..

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